I remember being the most stressed in my 20’s. I was living life at full speed and had no intention of slowing down. I was suffering from PTSD, anxiety and depression. One of the ways I found to cope was sugar. I would consume anything that brought immediate, unabated satisfaction, albeit alcohol, sugar, cakes, carbs and biscuits. I was a secret eater, and that was part of the enjoyment. I would wait for my parents to go to bed and sit in front of the tv, late into the night, with the biscuit barrel on my knees eating one biscuit after another until I felt sick, bloated and disgusted with myself. Somehow completely unable to stop. I know now, that I was eating to suppress some very challenging emotions, that I just wasn’t ready to confront back then. However, I had no idea why I was depressed, anxious and sad, I operated on auto-pilot, my subconscious had stored my emotional trauma away and I lived fractured existence, oblivious to the fact that this was not my true self, but rather a constructed one.
“If you trade your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief.”
― Brené Brown
As I addictively shovelled in the carbs and sugar, I kept active the disconnection to my body and pain, having dissociated years ago. I gradually climbed from a size 10, to a 16, which of course just added to my despair. It was only years later, as I unravelled my core issues, that I was able to feel my emotions, rather than continue with my oral fixation of eating to stop myself from choking on the enormity of what I had suppressed.
When my dad died, in 1986, I automatically reverted to my comfort place, secretly eating chocolate in my room. I was 25 years old, and already an expert in dealing with my issues, by virtue of a sugar anaesthetic, a plaster over a festering boil. I was grieving, but I was also numb, having expertly supressed so many issues, they had started to sap my energy. I felt like an old woman with aches and pains, excess weight, low energy from very poor eating habits. I had to stop eating processed junk, and ease my inner burdens, or the consequences would be catastrophic. I needed professional therapeutic help.
“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
― Brené Brown
As a Hypnotherapist and Emotional Trauma therapist, I specialise in Weight related issues, Self Esteem, and Trauma, sometimes as a result of childhood physical, sexual and emotional abuse. Unfortunately talking about childhood issues does not heal them, it requires deeper work, and I’ve experienced this first hand. When I began my healing journey, I spent many years just talking about my issues, playing it safe, rather than risk delving deeper into the subconscious, with Hypnotherapy, Inner Child work, and Trauma Release Therapy. I wasted a lot of time, money and energy talking, with minimal healing. As a direct result, it has been my passion and vocation to find therapeutic processes that deliver results for my clients, that offer freedom and relief. Yes, of course, there is space to talk story, to garner information, to be heard, validated and understood in a completely safe and confidential environment, then there is the time to start the deeper work, to go inside and access the subconscious mind, the true healer. It takes courage and dedication, but now I know first-hand this: the relationship we have with ourselves, is ultimately the most important one in our lifetime, make it a kind, loving and peaceful one.
If you would like to book a discovery call with me, visit here.
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
― Brené Brown